Do you know who you are -- uniquely endowed with gifts and talents from the God who created you?

Or do you allow yourself to be defined -- by parents' expectations (even if those parents are long dead); or by the successes and failures of your work; or by others' opinions of you, whether you are affirmed by them or negatively criticized?

In my reading this morning, I came across some remarkable lines. A writer named Kent Ira Groff, draws this from the health that Jesus models for us:

"'What would Jesus do?' has become a popular slogan. But the focus is on the wrong thing, on the do. It needs to be translated, 'What would Jesus be doing?'

"What would Jesus be? Presence, power, peace; Any lasting action in the world needs to come from the deep center of wholeness, or it will be so much chaff. Jesus modeled this by a continual pattern of retreat and involvement, solitude and community.

"What would Jesus be doing? What Jesus would be about would flow from who he is. And he would be about loving, listening, learning, laughing -- and leaving us to continue what he began to do and teach (Acts 1:1). That is what we need to be about, so that when we leave we will have empowered others not just to do something, but to be the presence of Christ."

Oh -- here's the prayer I referenced last night. I didn't write it from scratch. I started with the texts of a suggested prayer from the Virginia Interfaith Center for Public Policy, and the prayer "State, provincial, local governments" from Evangelical Lutheran Worship, and then I edited, combined, re-wrote, etc.

Invocation – Virginia State Senate
January 26, 2008
The Rev. Andrew W. Ballentine, Jr.
St. Stephen Lutheran Church
Williamsburg, Virginia

O God, you have created all that exists, seen and unseen. Every human being is your child. We look to the fulfillment of your wishes for your world: in which the weak and vulnerable are protected, and the riches of creation are accessible to all; a world in which different cultures and races live together in mutual respect, and peace is built through justice, and guided by love.

On this day we lift before you, in particular, all who govern this Commonwealth. Give our elected officials the clarity to know that their power is a trust from you to be used, not for personal glory or profit, but for the service of the people. Give them hope that will overcome cynicism. Give them openness to each other and honesty with each other. And give us all grace to live together in unity of purpose, according to your wishes for your creation.

In your holy name we pray, Amen.

On Friday afternoon, Patty said, "What are you going to do tomorrow?"

I wasn't sure. Some reading for sure. I'd be open to whatever else would occur to me. I envisioned a low key day. Then we went out to dinner.

When we got home there was a message on the answering machine. It was Michael Fox's voice (Michael is chief of staff for William and Mary President Gene Nickol) leaving the message that the next afternoon, the Virginia General Assembly would be meeting in joint session in the restored capitol building in Colonial Williamsburg; and the person originally slated to open the Senate session with prayer was unable to do so; and would I like to do that? "Sure!" I thought. "That would be fun." I called Michael and told him that.

The next morning, the phone rang. I thought it was Michael with more details. Instead, it was Larry Lubbs from our congregation telling me that Bob Fenster had died a few hours earlier. I was very surprised. I had visited with Bob and Harriet just the day before, and even though Bob had just begun receiving hospice care at home, he looked to be holding his own.

So, there it was: the answer to what I would be doing on Saturday. I went over to the Fenster home in the late morning. It is high privilege to be welcomed as the pastor into the home of a grieving family. It is high privilege to be there, honestly and openly, among the tears, the questions; to be listening, offering a few words here and there; drawing everyone together in prayer; being one who embodies the entire congregation's caring presence.

From there I drove to the Williamsburg Lodge, where, because of security concerns and limited parking, we were all to board buses to be transported the few blocks to the Colonial Williamsburg capitol building. It suddenly occurred to me that, only a few weeks ago, our little hometown newspaper, The Virginia Gazette, had given prominent play to a letter I had written chastising our state Senator, Tommy Norment. (I seem to remember accusing him of lacking wisdom and integrity.) I saw the Senator right away in the milling group of people, as everyone waited for the bus, but I did not take the initiative to introduce myself. Later, when I was introduced to begin the session with prayer, I wondered if he would remember the name of the letter-writer. (I saw no sign that he did.)

The legislative session itself was interesting. Being part of it was another high privilege. The Virginia legislature is the longest continuously meeting legislative body in the western hemisphere. They assemble in Williamsburg every four years to commemorate that. Even though the capital building is not the original, it is re-built on the exact location of the original. There George Washington and Thomas Jefferson and Patrick Henry risked the danger of treason with the words they spoke in the months leading up to the American Revolution.

It was a ceremonial session. Boy was it ceremonial! In the tiny Senate chamber (after my extremely eloquent and very moving prayer), the first order of business was to receive a representative from the House of Delegates who read a resolution just passed by the House, inviting the Senate to join them in joint session. The Senate then passed a resolution accepting the invitation, and they dispatched one of their own members to deliver their acceptance in person. That accomplished, we moved to the larger House of Burgesses chamber, where the delegates awaited.

There, the first items of business were to pass resolutions inviting the Governor, Tim Kaine ("his Excellency!"), to join the joint session; and then another resolution inviting members of his cabinet; and another resolution inviting the chief justice of the Virginia Supreme Court; and a final resolution to invite into the chamber the keynote speaker for the day, Presidential Historian Michael Beschloss. (The chance to hear him speak was the real draw for me to participate in all of this.)

What a relief when those controversial resolutions were passed! The result was that bipartisan groups of delegates and senators were appointed to leave the chamber, to inform the invitees of their welcome, and to escort them into the chamber. With great fanfare, and to great applause, each was announced as they entered the door to the chamber. I was placed among the senators with whom I had come in, and actually, it really was a thrill to be seated at the end of a row, right on the center aisle, and to be only inches away from each of these folks as they entered the chamber.

Michael Beschloss is, perhaps, our nation's preeminent historian of the Presidency. His talk was excellent. His theme was courage in governance, and he talked about instances from the leadership of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Harry Truman. But I was most impressed with the words spoken by Governor Kaine. The governor is a practicing Roman Catholic. He did missionary work at one point in his life, in Central America. When he speaks about his faith, he is genuine and authentic, never overbearing. He spoke for about five minutes (without notes!), and his talk could easily have been made into a Christian sermon. He spoke about the need for humility , of all things, among those who govern! Addressing the joint session of this fractious body, members of which had been fighting petty battles all the previous week, the Governor talked of how much more they can accomplish together if they approach their work and each other with a sense of humility. His words were not at all scolding in tone. They were invitational, even moving with their sense of possibility. Quite impressive.

Let us pray that at least some of our elected officials were listening with openness and hopefulness, rather than cynicism.

For noontime prayer during recent weeks, the church staff has been using Morning by Morning. It's a book of daily reflections from the writings of Marva Dawn, edited by Karen Dimer. (Marva Dawn was St. Stephen's Theologian in Residence a few years ago.)

Morning by Morning is an excellent daily prayer resource! As Robin Hudson puts it, "It keeps hitting me in the middle of my eyes."

Well, it's official. I'm old.

I've been resisting the idea -- even though hot young babes have, for years, called me "Sir." And even though younger colleagues ask me for advice because they see me as an older, wiser mentor. And even though, as I was leaving the barber shop the week before Christmas, my barber called out, "Enjoy your grandchildren over the holidays!"

But now I can no longer deny the reality that I'm old: because yesterday, John Edwards (who's my age)called Barack Obama "a talented young man." (If I was only 46 -- Obama's age -- I'd still be young, I guess. But I'm 54, just like that old guy, John Edwards.)

Actually, both Edwards and Hillary belittled Obama yesterday. Hillary said that he is "an extraordinary, young African-American man with so much to contribute."

Ain't politics grand?

I love reading about the Republican and Democratic campaigns! To demonstrate what a junkie I am: I actually paid attention when Bill Richardson withdrew, for God's sake. Not to mention poor Joe Biden, from my native state ...

As I have voraciously read the New York Times coverage, you know the person I have come to admire the most? John McCain. I have no idea if I'd vote for him, if he's nominated. I very much agree with him on some of his positions, and I'm very much troubled by others. But I am very impressed by how well he knows himself, by his maturity, and by how comfortable he is in his own skin. I think that's why he's the only candidate in either party who hasn't gone negative against his opponents. He has resisted his advisers who have urged him to do so. More than once, when his political handlers have counseled him to tell people what they want to hear when he hasn't agreed with what he would have been telling them, he has responded, "I don't want to be president that badly." (He gave in to such advice, in 2000, by not honestly stating his opposition to the Confederate battle flag that was flying on top of the South Carolina state capital building. He was so concerned with winning the South Carolina primary. But, of course, Karl Rove orchestrated a vicious rumor mill of lies about McCain's family to benefit the eventual nominee, George Bush, and McCain lost anyway. McCain has regretted his cowardice over the flag ever since.)

Crazies like Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly attack McCain because they think he's inconsistent in his conservatism. That "inconsistency" simply means that McCain is just like 99% of us real people. How many of us are down-the-line "conservative" or "liberal?" Aren't there lots and lots of people who are against abortion ("conservative") and also think waterboarding is torture ("liberal")? Aren't there lots and lots of people who are proud of the results of the surge in Iraq ("conservative") who also think we should be talking with our enemies in Iran ("liberal")? And what courage McCain showed, in resisting the "conservative" bandwagon endorsing the President's tax cuts because he objected to the fact that the President insisted on increasing spending even as the taxes were being cut. McCain is just a very impressive guy.

On the Democratic side, is there anyone as personally impressive? It's hard to keep track of who Hillary is this week; she's re-invented herself so often. Obama appears to show McCain-like integrity and courage (last night's petulant sniping towards Hillary at the debate excepted). But, really, how can take Obama seriously? He only a young man. He's not old. And seasoned.

Like someone who's my age.

I know the Jamestown-Scotland Neck ferry is a prime target for terrorist attack, and that the security forces at the ferry entrance by now have foiled hundreds of bomb attacks ...

... at least I hope that's true. Because, otherwise, I would really be irritated over the fact that they made me miss the 8:00 AM ferry this morning. Because the ever-vigiant security guard made me stop -- and then he didn't even look into my car!! -- the stop sign gate at the ferry was lowering right as I got to it. Only seconds would have made a difference.

I was on my way to a bike ride beginning in Waverly, VA. As it turns out, the 8:30 ferry and the drive to Waverly got me there before the 9:30 start. Once I was there, and on my bike with the other riders, I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Thirty-nine years ago today, Joe Namath led the New York Jets to the greatest upset in pro football history, over the Baltimore Colts, in what is now called Super Bowl III. Back then it was called the National Football League - American Football League Championship Game. Another trivia fact: It was the first of those games that was a sellout! Of course, that's back when there was an American Football League. On Sunday afternoons, while my Dad would be sitting in the family room watching the boring NFL on the big color TV, I would be back in a bedroom, watching the AFL on the little black and white set. The NFL in those days emphasized the running game. But the AFL! Ah -- those guys put the ball in the air nearly every play! NFL games would finish with 13 - 10 scores. The AFL games would end up 42 - 38. Much more fun!

So I became an AFL fan. Joe Namath, of course, was a counter-cutural hero, slightly naughty, a thrilling player. I'm still a Jets fan because of him, all these years later. And when the Jets won the championship game in 1969, it was the first time "my team" had won a championship. In the 39 years since, "my team" has won a championship exactly one other time: the Phillies in 1980.

The Jets, since then, have been the most inept team in all of pro football, year-in and year-out. The Colts? Their owner moved them out of Baltimore in the middle of the night (I am not making this up), in a snow storm. He was afraid a judge would issue an injunction the next morning that would have prevented him from moving them to Indianapolis. When Robert Irsay moved the Colts out of Baltimore, it was similar to Walter O'Malley moving the Dodgers out of Brooklyn: both moves tore the sporting heart out of those cities. Ever since the Colts left Baltimore, I've called them the Clots. I'm pleased every time they lose.

Ok. Enough. I'm going to go put on a tape I have of that 1969 championship game. It's an annual observance.

Wow -- the movie "Atonement" is a wonderful adaptation of the novel by Ian McKewen!

The movie is different, of course. A movie must be much simpler than a novel. In a novel, the author is able to develop characters and nuances of plot much more fully. Often times, then, a movie adaptation fall far short of the effectiveness of the book. But not in this case! The streamling does not damage the story. In its own way, the movie is just as effective as the novel. Both book and movie stick with you for a long time.

"Atonement," of course, is a word from Christian theology. Here's the question to consider, when you read the book or see the movie: is atonement achieved?

I wake and look at the glowing digits on the clock. 3:19. Close enough for my 4:00 AM dose of anti-fungal medication. To avoid waking Patty, I get out of bed and walk through the dark, cold house silently -- as silently as the monks at Mepkin Abbey who, at that very moment, are making their way to the monastery church for the Psalms, readings and silence of Vigils. It's the first of their seven prayer services, the beginning of their day. Of course, they have been asleep since 8:00 PM. I went to bed much later. So, after taking the medicine, I creep back into bed and sleep.

It took me a while to get used to the schedule of taking my medication. I've been doing it for so long, now, that I can usually get back to sleep with little trouble.

I love the sleeping at this time of year. The darkness is longer and deeper. The thermostat in the house drops to 60 degrees at 10:00 PM, so we're wrapped in flannel pajamas, flannel sheets, a blanket. I think we human beings are like all mammals: we need more sleep during these weeks.

How wide should a man's necktie be these days? I used to be up-to-date on that -- because all the men I would see during a day used to wear ties, and we held each other to the prevailing fashion standard! Now, it really doesn't matter how wide my ties are, because I rarely encounter another man wearing one.

I've been thinking about that because I collected my father's striped ties last week, when we were visiting my mother and my brother, John, in Charleston, SC. John had cleaned out Dad's clothes from the house after he died, and I thought to ask about those old ties. John is among the huge majority of men who don't wear ties, so I knew he wouldn't want them. As it turned out, he still had them, though he warned me: "Some of these might be too narrow to be in style." Well, I wore one of them today, and no one made fun of me. So I guess I'm ok.

Six or seven of the ties are even from the Ben Silver shop in Charleston. I had no idea Dad had spent that much for a tie! Ben Silver is an English firm, and the only other store location is in London. First trivia fact: the stripes on English ties descend from the wearer's left, which is opposite from American ties. Second trivia fact: Winston Churchill's signature navy blue bow ties with white polka dots were made by Ben Silver.

My Dad bought me a "Churchill dot" bow tie from Ben Silver one year for my birthday. It's the same tie Churchill wore, and I'm proud of that because he is one of my heroes. For another birthday, Dad bought me a Ben Silver bow tie in the school colors (orange and blue) of my alma mater, The University. I was wearing it yesterday, when they blew a two touchdown lead to lose the Gator Bowl. (Just kidding.)

For some reason I do very much like to wear ties. Usually, I wear bow ties. This, despite my wife's opinion of them. Last month, I was getting ready to accompany Patty to a Christmas party of her Walsingham Academy colleagues and their spouses at the Williamsburg Inn, and she asked me to wear a long tie. When I asked her why, she explained that she didn't want me to seem to be stuffy. (Sigh ...)

The bad news is that I'll persist in being a boring, stuffy person. I bought two new bow ties while down in Charleston. (Rest assured I didn't pay Ben Silver prices! I got them at another store.)

I got out on my bicycle today and did my first 20 miles of 2008. That's about 13 more miles than I did during all of January last year. Of course, I was at home on oxygen December a year ago, and January was another month of convalescence. Then I started slow in February.

In fact, today was the first time I've been on my bike in weeks. When the temperature has been below 40 degrees, I've used an exercise machine rather than risking the cold air on my lungs. (Since I like to do my week-day exercise rides at sun-up, it was that cold most mornings in December.) So, in 2007 I pretty much lost January, February and December, and still I ended up riding 2,572 miles. That's pretty good! I rode 380 miles on my commuting/errand-running bicycle, the rest on my road bike.