I want to be David Brooks. Well, not really. I'd rather be a pastor than a newspaper columnist. But his column is always worthwhile. I often even agree with him. Invariably I marvel at the way he uses the language.

But in a recent column, HE WENT TOO FAR! He wrote this, praising John McCain's energy policy: "The high point of his campaign, so far, has been his energy policy, which is comprehensive and bold, but does not try to turn us into a nation of bicyclists."

It's a typical terribly clever Brooksian sentence. But hold on, just a minute!! What exactly would be the problem with turning us into a nation of bicyclists??!!

David Brooks has opened himself up to vicious attacks now, from the powerful bicyclists' lobby.

Oh. Wait. There is no powerful bicyclists' lobby. Never mind.

But think of how much less oil we'd be buying from people who hate us, if there WAS a powerful bicyclists' lobby, influencing the design of our highways and streets.